Transitioning Hair Failures?

November 9, 2012 by · 9 Comments
 
So often I see people announce they are going to transition to natural hair, get all excited and gung-ho, map out their plan and end up relaxing their hair a few months later.  Fine by me, judgement never even enters my mind.  If you’re happy and your hair is healthy, I’m ecstatic.  But what does give me food for thought are the reactions of the person who just relaxed their hair.  Some of the phrases include:
  • I caved!
  • Back to the creamy crack.
  • I just couldn’t…
  • Maybe I’ll be able to do it in the future.
  • I gave in!
All of those phrases sound like excuses and are slightly, if not blatantly, negative.  My reaction is to the phrases, not the decision.  Why do you have negative thoughts about a choice you felt was best for you and your hair?  Do you feel because of the “natural movement” that you have failed or can’t hack it in the hair world? Why do you often feel the need to explain or defend your decision to end – even if temporarily – your transition to natural hair?
 
I’ve done it before.  At the start of my journey, circumstances led me to stretch my relaxer for seven months.  I never intended to transition but the further into the stretch I became, the more questions I received about whether or not I was “going natural” and I’ll admit I considered it.  I never made a decision one way or the other and one dreadful wash day made the final call for me.  My hair and I got in a fight during a detangling and straightening session and I lost.  My hair beat me down honey!  So, I decided to relax.  I was so happy about my decision mainly because I’d finally made one and had no more reservations one way or the other.  However, I did record a video talking about why I decided to relax to try to avoid the firestorm of criticism I felt sure would be hurled my way for deciding to “go back to the creamy crack.” (ugh hate that term!)  But as for me – I couldn’t have been happier.
 
So why do you think there are negative thoughts and feelings of failure associated with deciding to end a planned transition?  Do you think people really DO feel negative or do you think the staunch views of some naturals cause people to feel compelled to defend themselves?  Have you done this?
 
I’d prefer there to be no negative feelings on either side of the fence.  If you transition – my reaction is great, awesome, congratulations!!!  I’ll be right there cheering you along through cyberspace!  If you decide to continue to relax – again, great, awesome, I eagerly look forward to your touch up results!  If you decide to end your natural journey and relax all of your natural hair – great, awesome and I look forward to seeing you become familiar with your newly relaxed hair.  My reaction is always GOOD, GREAT, AWESOME as long as you are happy and your hair is healthy.

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  • ghanaianemprezz

    When I decided to relax my natural hair early this year, I just refused to do any kind of post on it. I later put up a post and the only purpose was to make my readers aware of the changes in my regimen and products.I simply titled it ” Back to relaxed hair”. I even took that down once I felt I had carried my message across. Admittedly, I got into the whole natural movement thing when I started blogging but I’ve since learnt better. My co-blogger is natural yet we have one focus, which is healthy hair. As much as she doesn’t want anything to do with relaxers, she respects my decision and it stays that way. I think I’ve said too much!

  • Coily_Locks

    Love the post Ebony! Never once did I say I was doing it because of a “natural hair movement”. I think that’s a bunch of bologna! LOL What I did it for was to help my daughter realize that she had beautiful hair and it didn’t need to be bone straight. I couldn’t very well say don’t relax or flat iron your hair when I was doing that to mine. And I was natural 10 years ago so it wasn’t this big deal to me. I’m just happy I did it for me and my girls and not to be part of a cliche or some mess like that. I say if your hair is healthy you do you and not worry about others. But don’t give excuses like “my hair is too nappy” or “I don’t have good hair”. I can’t stand that effin term “good hair” and because my daughters are biracial then you know I have to hear that all the time. I ended up having to cut my oldest daughter’s hair because it was so damaged from getting is flat ironed and *gasp* letting her get a mild relaxer. She loves her short curly fro and I dare one person to ask me why I cut her hair. It was our decision and I’m glad we did it together. (steps down and drops mic…)

  • LondonGirly

    Good post because last year I did a blogpost about “relaxer guilt” because I felt guilty relaxing.

    I think people have negative thoughts because they are influenced by what other people may say or think especially since the natural hair movement. I actually don’t think people are much bothered by other people’s hair decisions or actually feel negative about it. If they do they have too much time on their hands. I personally felt guilty because I knew it was the wrong decision in chemically straightening my hair which is why I am all natural now :) Natural or relaxed I’d say do what you please it’s just hair after all

  • MyBBLife

    I LOVE this post! I am in the process of transitioning and it took me a LONG time to decide whether I wanted to do it, or just relax again. It started off as a relaxer stretch, and I just decided that I might as well go natural! Even though I made this decision about a month ago, I really JUST started telling people (even though it’s not really their business anyway) because I started getting questions about! I’m hoping I can do what I need to do and fully transition to natural, but I figure if I don’t, that’s ok too! I’m beautiful either way! LOL!

  • Ticka

    Like you, I didn’t intentionally set out to transition to natural. I just didn’t relax my hair for a month, then that turned into 2, 3 & so on. Once I decided that I would eventually transition to natural, it was just that. A personal decision. No one person (outside of my daughter) was my influence. And certainly not a “movement”. I always tell people, “This is something that I’m doing right now. I may or may not relax my hair in the future. Only time will tell.” That’s all true for me, and I will not apologize for it if/when it happens. It’s hair. Not who I am. It actually took me chopping it off and having it natural for me to figure that out and come to terms with it. Now that I have, I will do what I want, when I want with my hair. In the words of Rick Ross, “These haters can’t hold me back!!” LOL!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/sharday.ewell Sharday Ewell

    Here is what I think: I think to an extent going natural/being natural is painted as some sort of indicator of blackness..that you haven’t bowed down to society’s perception of beauty and you’re embracing you as you are and blah blah blah. I think that is where the problem lies and that may be a part of why some people feel bad when they unsuccessfully transition. Choosing to be natural or relaxed is just that..a choice. Through some system of decision making, you decided one was the more appropriate choice. As long as what you’re doing is right for you and your hair, I don’t see the problem. Annnnddd…as long as you’re doing what is right for you and your hair, you shouldn’t view it as a failure.

    • http://www.longing4length.com/ EbonyCPrincess

      Wonderfully worded! And more than being a “blackness indicator” now I feel its more of a popularity thing. Like you aren’t part of an exclusive club or something…

  • http://www.facebook.com/havillands.hair Havilland’s Hair

    i think whenever anyone makes a decision about anything, then commits to it, and feels strongly about it and then changes their mind, they are predisposed to feeling like they failed. part of that feeling of failure comes from not being settled in your decision to stop. when you have the feeling like you gave in because it was too hard, not because you REALLY WANTED to quit. i feel this is true for anything you “give up on”. like you mentioned, YOU felt better because you were 100% sure of your decision. when i quit my transition the first time, i was like you. i was FINE WITH IT. LOL i didn’t feel bad at all and was oh so happy to relax again! having said that, i believe there are lots of negative connotations about relaxers vs. natural etc. as you so eloquently mentioned in your article. for some people it’s not “just hair”. i personally am looking forward to the days when we just see our hair as the protein strands that grow out from our scalp and see the way we choose to style it as just that – a style……it’s not that serious and certainly no reason to be negative toward yourself and feel bad. whether someone relaxes or doesn’t…it should be all good either way. :)

    • http://www.longing4length.com/ EbonyCPrincess

      I agree, this is a great comment because I think this is probably the reason most people feel that way. Thanks Havi!