This is a different type of #FitnessFriday post. I’d like to discuss the idea of your man suggesting that you lose weight. How’s that for pillow talk?! Below you’ll read my side and his side. I’d love to hear YOUR side too!
Recently during a conversation about my father’s approach to “helping” me control my weight, I complained that his tactics were harsh, unnecessary and unhelpful. I lamented on and on about how he constantly warned me about my alleged pending weight problem (due to my family history) to the point that I didn’t realize that at a size 6, I was actually QUITE thin in high school. My point was that IF he really wanted to help, I would’ve preferred that he lead by example and live an active and healthy lifestyle. I soooooooo didn’t appreciate the lectures he dished while grasping a bag of Oreos. Years after high school sports stopped, I picked up quite a bit of weight and he resorted to using harsh words hoping it would “shock” me into action. But instead of being motivated, I was resentful. To be honest, while none of my immediate family are grossly obese, we could ALL stand to lose a few….so who was he to tell me?!
My guy listened to me drone on and on about this issue – and knowing I am actively working to lose weight – he asked the dreaded questions: What do you weigh now and what is your goal? *gasp* Hold the phone and clutch the pearls!!!! Initially, I caught an attitude and was like “Oh no you didn’t ask me that! Don’t you know better than to ask a woman that? Especially one who’s working like a Hebrew slave to lose weight?!”
Well, I eventually gave in and revealed both my goal and my current weight. And waited. He responded with silence (something he does quite often that annoys the poo outta me). Now that I’d told him, I wanted to know what he thought! Finally he says “Yeah, I think that would be good weight for you.” WHAT????? So you trying to call me chunky now? You think I need to lose weight? You don’t like my body? All kinds of insecurities popped into my head and the
accusations questions flew out of my mouth. Instead of giving some type of positive reassurance, he acted as if I was being overly dramatic and needy. Ummmm, no!
Here’s the thing. I DO actually support my man telling me I need to lose weight. When I hear women say “Uh-uh, he betta love me extra pounds and all…I ain’t finna lose weight for HIM” I cringe. Obviously we all have to want it for ourselves otherwise no action will ever be taken, but if we aren’t motivated to look good for our significant others then who on earth WILL motivate us? After all, we tried our best to look good to get him in the first place right?
But, what I need HIM to understand is that its not that easy for us. In 99% of relationships, kids or no, the woman has more responsibility than the man, especially if you are a career woman. Plus, our bodies naturally hold onto fat more than men (its not a myth, I was taught this in med school ladies). On top of that maintaining our hair while working out is harder than they can ever imagine! So, when he casually said he thought I’d look best twenty pounds lighter, I felt like he was telling me to just DO it. And he’s naturally thin which made it sting even more.
A few days later, I thanked him for his honesty and took it as motivation to really try to knock the rest of this weight off. So yes, my man CAN suggest I lose weight, but it must be done with love, kindness and most of all SUPPORT!!! Don’t be like my father telling me about the problem instead of participating in helping me fix it! Prove Drake wrong and be with me when I’m shooting hoops in the gym!
Can a man ask his significant other to lose weight? Technically, yes. Will said man most likely be vilified? Almost definitely, yes. We live in a day and age where everyone gets a trophy, no one loses and the act of deeming anything unacceptable comes off as harsh and callus. In this “accept me as I am” society, one should tread lightly even hinting that a woman could probably maybe conceivably-possibly-perhaps stand to lose a pound or two. Oh what a tangled web we may weave when first we practice to be honest!
A woman must be approached about her weight with the precision and delicacy of a trusted adviser. In the days of the king and his court, the king’s most skilled adviser knew that even if his counsel was correct, presenting it poorly and upsetting the king could put his life in danger. Those same rules apply when advising a woman on her weight. Do it poorly and she will have your head faster than Henry VIII after news that he had been birthed a female heir.
There is no perfect advice that I can give on the subject because of the many different temperaments that may be faced, but there are examples that may work. Most women at least try to show interest in the things that her bf/husband has interest in. Leading her to the gym by showing interest in it is always worth a shot. Most people feel that being blunt, honest and forthcoming is the way to go about things, but in this instance it will serve no justice. Insinuating nicely will also do no good at all, heads will still roll. If history has taught us anything it’s that the actions and approach of the skilled adviser work best in the presence of a king, or in this case a queen…
Alright, your turn! Can your SO tell you to lose weight?
We are still sharing our fitness related posts for #FitnessFriday although we are currently revamping it a bit. I hope you all are still going strong with your fitness and wellness journeys! Share your posts below!