I love to flirt!

I love to flirt!

EbonyCPrincess Natural Hair
Wet Hair in the Shower
With the idea of transitioning that is!  I follow many natural haired ladies both through blog and via YouTube and whenever I see a full head of natural hair, especially those with my 4b texture, I instantly think to myself…I WANT THAT!  I love love love being relaxed, the ease and the versatility, but I swear every 3-4 months I consider transitioning. I’ve already decided that when/if I have a daughter I will transition.  I have been doing a lady’s hair every 2 weeks and she is natural and not only to I wash, condition and style it, I’ve been restoring her self-esteem about her hair.  The first time I did it, after we rinsed the conditioner I commented “your hair is SO pretty!  I just love the thickness and coils” She looked at me in bewilderment and said “Thanks….I’ve never heard my hair described as pretty before.”  Her hair is shoulder length, 4a texture.  I smiled and said, “Man, you have the best texture….its the most versatile.  It can be straight, tightly compact, stretched, it holds curl the best, is the most resistant to heat damage, is so thick and lush!”  Each time she comes to me, she tells me how I am good for her self esteem.  Her hair is thriving and she is always receiving compliments on my styles (I need to start taking pictures of them).   Each time I do it, I bury my fingers in it and wish my hair were natural.  I also think that if I were natural I would play in color a bit (I’m against double processing just for fun).  But that’s the “pretty” side of naturalism….for me there is a dark side.  I’m not one who doesn’t remember or is unfamiliar with my natural texture.  I didn’t relax until high school and later inadvertently transitioned my senior year of high school as well.  I know exactly what I’m working with up there.  I don’t like my extreme shrinkage, my inability to obtain smooth sleek edges let alone my nape, and the amount of heat my hair requires to straighten.  I hate the idea of transitioning and all that it entails (if I were to transition, it would be a 3 year process at least).  And honestly….I love being relaxed, which I’ve already blogged about here.  Being relaxed has a dark side too…the constant battle with two textures as the new growth comes in, the expense and time of scheduling a touch up, and  of course the possible long term effects of it thinning your hair.  So every now and again I flirt with the idea of transitioning…
EbonyCPrincess New Growth
New growth after rinsing conditioner out

The last time I was doing my client’s hair (calling her that for lack of another fitting term) she was telling me how her 6 year old daughter, who is half-Black, half-Latina with 3b curly hair, remarked “Mommy when are you going to wear your hair flat again?”  Now, my client hasn’t been relaxed since this little girl was about 3.  And when you think about it the majority of women in this country do NOT have straight hair.  If you add the natural Black women plus the Hispanic community and the Caucasian women with naturally curly hair….we outnumber the straight haired women.  Yet, this little girl who is BARELY 6 years old identifies straight hair as being prettier or better somehow?!  STILL?  In 2011?!  *le sigh*  Although I’m relaxed, I see this as a problem.  The fact that my client was so incredulous at my compliments on her hair is a problem.  Little girls even TODAY feeling straight hair is prettier or better is a problem.

To be honest, I don’t think every Black woman should be or needs to be natural in order to change this view.  I think the tide is changing and I love and support the “natural movement”, but I don’t like the elitist, exclusive, superior attitude that has developed among some naturals.  I don’t think that is the answer either.  Women who choose to relax shouldn’t be shamed by another Black woman who chooses not to relax.  Its just that…a choice!  At the same time, I don’t like the attitude some relaxed heads have developed where they feel the need to explain why they relax, why they “can’t” transition, and that their hair “needs” a perm.  My girl moved to Houston and was saying they are having a natural hair show in a couple of months.  I was like “OOOOH, I wanna go!”  I would love to see all the different styles and get some great products really cheap!  How does the product know my hair is processed?  If its a gentle, sulfate-free shampoo, I can benefit.  If its a moisturizing, natural ingredient conditioner, I can benefit.  If its cute hair toys and accessories, I can benefit.  And I’d rock a t-shirt with a woman and a big afro, despite being relaxed, because I’m proud of being BLACK.  Period.  But I can guarantee someone would take offense to me being there with my silky straight hair.  Smh…that’s a problem too.

EbonyCPrincess Stretching Relaxer New Growth

In any event…since I’m inadvertently stretching my relaxer, I’m seriously flirting with the idea of transitioning again.  I never share this information via my YouTube because folk get downright angry when you change your mind back and forth a lot (as if its not your perogative….tell it Bobby! lol).  But my blog is a different story….so ya’ll have the inside scoop on what’s going on in my head right now.  I may transition, I may relax, I never know.  If I do decide to transition…I probably won’t announce it as a transition.  I’ll just continue to stretch my relaxer (and consider myself X amount of weeks post relaxer) until I become 100% natural, when and if that ever happens.  Then again, I just saw a few relaxer updates that make me wanna schedule a touch up appointment for like yesterday!  LOL.  So we’ll see what happens.  Just my thoughts…

  • OMG preach on that elitist attitude! I wrote a post on that in my blog after I visited a popular natural forum.

    I’m not against relaxers. Shoot, I wouldn’t be surprised if 10 years from now I go on and get a box of Dark and Lovely.

  • Side note: Are you in Atl? If so they’re having a natural hair show here in September.

  • I LOVE this post! I feel the same way about relaxed vs. natural and it can only get worse if I have a little girl *sigh* I too don’t have “cooperative” natural hair that lays down at the edges and everything else you described so I applaud you for going so long w/o a touch up!

  • I went to the honeyfig store today (all natural products and all of the sales associates were natural) and honestly for a hot second I envisioned transitioning. Also from time to time I imagine what my hair would be like if I stopped relaxing 3-4 years ago since starting my hair journey. You are definitely not alone, I think many relaxed heads toy with being natural.

  • @Kay – no ma’am, I’m not in ATL, but I’m actually not too far either! I am definitely going to go one wkend.

    @Mrs. – Girl I know whatcha sayin, we have the same freakin hair! lol. Thanks!

    @Best – I know exactly what you are saying, at the start of my HHJ I went relaxer free for 7 months and I decided I was happiest relaxing. Now that I’m toying with the idea again, I’m like sheesh if I was gonna do it, I should’ve started then!

  • I love your post! I don’t understand neither when people are saying that they don’t remember their hair in its natural states…. I REMEMBER like if it was yesterday, even if I relax in high school!
    I hate the attitude some naturals have against relaxer ladies and for many of them they were relaxed as well before!!!!
    I stretch for 43 weeks and I couldn’t do do any really cute hairstyles…
    but like you if a have a daughter I will try my best to transition but I won’t put me any pressure! I will see during those 9 months first (cause I don’t want to relax when I will be pregnant…!!!) and I’ll get from there!
    Anyway, talk to you soon!